I know … without a doubt … that if I turn my worries over to God, He will take care of them. So, why is it so difficult to actually let things go and let Him take care of it? Do I think I can do a better job than God can?? Certainly not … yet I insist on not ‘bothering’ Him with silly nonsense like finding time to put gas in my car!
The past few months have been very difficult. Mom came home from the hospital on December 13th on hospice care. She’s stable, now, but the stress (on her, Morgan and me) of having round-the-clock care has taken its toll on all of us. We have an aide that is at the house during the day so I can still go to work. Beyond that, we’re pretty much on our own. I went from having something on the calendar at least 4 out of 7 nights a week (church on Sunday morning, Breakout Sunday evening, volunteer at bingo on Saturday, nursery on Wednesday, meetings …) to nothing. Talk about putting the brakes on … I went from over-scheduled to lost and lonely in the time it took me to send out an e-mail saying I’d be out of commission for a while.
A few folks asked what they could do to help, and I don’t know that I had an answer. Every day is taken minute by minute, hour by hour. The only concrete things I knew I needed were time to put gas in my car and food in the pantry. I really didn’t know what I needed (other than those handsome men with the nice white jackets to come and take me away)!
So – I muddle through, making it all work somehow. I just did what I needed to do and moved on. Then there comes a point where it just gets harder. There’s no more really to do than there was a week ago, but it’s just harder. Everyone is a little crankier, a little more defensive and a little more alone. Imagine ‘cabin fever’ on steroids!
One night I sat in my room wondering where I was going to get the money to get what I needed, the time to do it – even if I had the money, and if there was any one person that would notice if I just fell off the face of the earth. I know full well that the loneliness I have would be only a drop in the bucket to what Morgan would feel if I weren’t here – and I would suffer through hell and back to spare her a minute of it. But, Jesus … if you’re gonna come back – now would be a REALLY good time … and I told Him that! I told him that I just couldn’t take it anymore – and God, you need to fix it!
And so, He did.
The next day – off to work I go. I got a phone call from my tax lady – and because she could consider my construction nightmare ‘theft’, I was able to get a bit more back on my taxes than I had expected. To be more exact, I was able to get pretty much to the penny what I was needing to keep my head above water. And God says “money … check”
Then, speaking of water, there was a water main break in our building. For all of you who work in the James Monroe Building … you are welcome! The building closed at 10 am!! And God says “Time … check”
I got home just before Morgan got home from school and the doorbell rang. Now, I’m never home that time of day – who could that be? I opened the door and heard ‘Hey, how’s your mom … we hadn’t seen you for a while on Saturday nights and thought I’d stop by to check on you and make sure you were ok’.
A couple days later, I got the icing on the cake … the last thing I prayed for – and the one thing I needed more than anything … just three little words – “I’ve missed you!” You know who you are … you told me I could write just for you – and so I am. Thank you for noticing that I was missing!
Everyone is going through ‘something’. I’m not the only one. I never knew what I could do for my friends … the one whose dad just died …or husband got laid off … or lost their house… or battling illnesses in the family …or
Now I know. I know what I need. I know what to say…
“I’ve missed you” and “I would notice if you fell off the face of the earth”.
The past few months have been very difficult. Mom came home from the hospital on December 13th on hospice care. She’s stable, now, but the stress (on her, Morgan and me) of having round-the-clock care has taken its toll on all of us. We have an aide that is at the house during the day so I can still go to work. Beyond that, we’re pretty much on our own. I went from having something on the calendar at least 4 out of 7 nights a week (church on Sunday morning, Breakout Sunday evening, volunteer at bingo on Saturday, nursery on Wednesday, meetings …) to nothing. Talk about putting the brakes on … I went from over-scheduled to lost and lonely in the time it took me to send out an e-mail saying I’d be out of commission for a while.
A few folks asked what they could do to help, and I don’t know that I had an answer. Every day is taken minute by minute, hour by hour. The only concrete things I knew I needed were time to put gas in my car and food in the pantry. I really didn’t know what I needed (other than those handsome men with the nice white jackets to come and take me away)!
So – I muddle through, making it all work somehow. I just did what I needed to do and moved on. Then there comes a point where it just gets harder. There’s no more really to do than there was a week ago, but it’s just harder. Everyone is a little crankier, a little more defensive and a little more alone. Imagine ‘cabin fever’ on steroids!
One night I sat in my room wondering where I was going to get the money to get what I needed, the time to do it – even if I had the money, and if there was any one person that would notice if I just fell off the face of the earth. I know full well that the loneliness I have would be only a drop in the bucket to what Morgan would feel if I weren’t here – and I would suffer through hell and back to spare her a minute of it. But, Jesus … if you’re gonna come back – now would be a REALLY good time … and I told Him that! I told him that I just couldn’t take it anymore – and God, you need to fix it!
And so, He did.
The next day – off to work I go. I got a phone call from my tax lady – and because she could consider my construction nightmare ‘theft’, I was able to get a bit more back on my taxes than I had expected. To be more exact, I was able to get pretty much to the penny what I was needing to keep my head above water. And God says “money … check”
Then, speaking of water, there was a water main break in our building. For all of you who work in the James Monroe Building … you are welcome! The building closed at 10 am!! And God says “Time … check”
I got home just before Morgan got home from school and the doorbell rang. Now, I’m never home that time of day – who could that be? I opened the door and heard ‘Hey, how’s your mom … we hadn’t seen you for a while on Saturday nights and thought I’d stop by to check on you and make sure you were ok’.
A couple days later, I got the icing on the cake … the last thing I prayed for – and the one thing I needed more than anything … just three little words – “I’ve missed you!” You know who you are … you told me I could write just for you – and so I am. Thank you for noticing that I was missing!
Everyone is going through ‘something’. I’m not the only one. I never knew what I could do for my friends … the one whose dad just died …or husband got laid off … or lost their house… or battling illnesses in the family …or
Now I know. I know what I need. I know what to say…
“I’ve missed you” and “I would notice if you fell off the face of the earth”.
