This past week in our Breakout class, we talked about honesty. We talked about how telling the truth is one of the Ten Commandments, it makes God happy, and we don’t get in as much trouble when we tell the truth.
Then we dug a little deeper. We talked about why we believe some people when they tell us something, and don’t believe other people. I got answers like “if they’ve ever lied to me before”, “their reputation”, and “if they are a teacher, or a parent, or a police man”. These are some pretty smart kids! I turned that thought around on them … and asked about the little ‘white lies’ that they tell. “Absolutely, I cleaned my room”, “of course I did all my homework”, and my personal favorite, “my arm is falling off!”. I asked them if someone did these things (because of course, none of these kids did) did they think that when something really did happen, would their parents believe them. They didn’t seem to think so.
As I sat at home the night after this lesson, thinking about some of the things that we talked about, I thought about another aspect of honesty that hits a little closer to home with some of us, than it does with our children. We try very hard to always be honest when we are dealing with other people. What about when we are dealing with ourselves? Are we always honest with ourselves?
Think about that a minute … it is amazing what little lies we can convince ourselves of – even when we know good and well that it isn’t true. For instance, I don’t like spiders. I can deal with any other critter or bug – but spiders will send me into hyperventilation! I know it’s silly, I know it’s irrational – but then, isn’t that the definition of a phobia?? I told myself that if there is a spider … especially one of those jumpy cricket spiders …is in the bathroom, and I shut the door, they can’t get out. And I believe me!! Why did I believe me? Because I needed to … I’d have never gotten to sleep if I didn’t believe it.
That example is pretty simplistic … no one is going to get hurt (unless you put a spider in front of me!) and everyone laughs and thinks I’m silly! But you can see how easy it is to convince yourself of things that aren’t really true – how easy it can be to not be honest with yourself.
What about other things that we tell ourselves? Many times we aren’t very honest with ourselves when our heart and our mind don’t agree – or when we don’t want to accept what is right in front of us. “I know he’d never break my heart.” (even though he never answers my calls), “I know she didn’t tell my secrets” (even if she’s the only one that knew), “I know my boss would never fire me” (even if I am 30 minutes late every day). Or what about those ‘justifications’. ‘Everybody goes a little over the speed limit.’; ‘Nobody is gonna know that I went fishing on this pond … behind the ‘no fishing sign’; ‘What difference does it make if I get to work 10 minutes late … no one is there anyway.’
We’ve all lied to ourselves – and believed ourselves. But God doesn’t believe them. Here’s where I’m going with it. When I asked the kids if they had told these little lies in the past, would their parents believe them the next time, they said ‘no’. So, I’ll ask you … if you’ve told yourself little lies in the past, are you going to believe yourself the next time? Huh???
Why do we do that? Why do we convince ourselves that things aren’t what they seem? Because
we don’t want to believe that our judgment was off. If that boyfriend really was seeing someone else … then we feel the hurt and realize we made a mistake. If the best friend told our secret, we get angry and hurt and have to face the truth. If we don’t believe the lies we tell ourselves, then we have to do what we know is right. If we do that enough, what happens the next time we have to make a decision? We don’t trust ourself … because we’ve lied to ourself before. We lose faith in ourselves – in our ability to know (and do) what is right. And sometimes ‘right’ isn’t always obvious – particularly when there is a conflict between heart and mind. I want to believe the people that I care about – but sometimes my mind just knows better. If I can’t trust me – how can I truly believe in anyone else?
It is just as important to be honest with ourselves as it is to be honest with others. Being truthful to others will earn you respect, trust and a positive reputation. Being honest with yourself will give you inner peace, trust and faith that you can’t find outside of who you are.
Then we dug a little deeper. We talked about why we believe some people when they tell us something, and don’t believe other people. I got answers like “if they’ve ever lied to me before”, “their reputation”, and “if they are a teacher, or a parent, or a police man”. These are some pretty smart kids! I turned that thought around on them … and asked about the little ‘white lies’ that they tell. “Absolutely, I cleaned my room”, “of course I did all my homework”, and my personal favorite, “my arm is falling off!”. I asked them if someone did these things (because of course, none of these kids did) did they think that when something really did happen, would their parents believe them. They didn’t seem to think so.
As I sat at home the night after this lesson, thinking about some of the things that we talked about, I thought about another aspect of honesty that hits a little closer to home with some of us, than it does with our children. We try very hard to always be honest when we are dealing with other people. What about when we are dealing with ourselves? Are we always honest with ourselves?
Think about that a minute … it is amazing what little lies we can convince ourselves of – even when we know good and well that it isn’t true. For instance, I don’t like spiders. I can deal with any other critter or bug – but spiders will send me into hyperventilation! I know it’s silly, I know it’s irrational – but then, isn’t that the definition of a phobia?? I told myself that if there is a spider … especially one of those jumpy cricket spiders …is in the bathroom, and I shut the door, they can’t get out. And I believe me!! Why did I believe me? Because I needed to … I’d have never gotten to sleep if I didn’t believe it.
That example is pretty simplistic … no one is going to get hurt (unless you put a spider in front of me!) and everyone laughs and thinks I’m silly! But you can see how easy it is to convince yourself of things that aren’t really true – how easy it can be to not be honest with yourself.
What about other things that we tell ourselves? Many times we aren’t very honest with ourselves when our heart and our mind don’t agree – or when we don’t want to accept what is right in front of us. “I know he’d never break my heart.” (even though he never answers my calls), “I know she didn’t tell my secrets” (even if she’s the only one that knew), “I know my boss would never fire me” (even if I am 30 minutes late every day). Or what about those ‘justifications’. ‘Everybody goes a little over the speed limit.’; ‘Nobody is gonna know that I went fishing on this pond … behind the ‘no fishing sign’; ‘What difference does it make if I get to work 10 minutes late … no one is there anyway.’
We’ve all lied to ourselves – and believed ourselves. But God doesn’t believe them. Here’s where I’m going with it. When I asked the kids if they had told these little lies in the past, would their parents believe them the next time, they said ‘no’. So, I’ll ask you … if you’ve told yourself little lies in the past, are you going to believe yourself the next time? Huh???
Why do we do that? Why do we convince ourselves that things aren’t what they seem? Because
we don’t want to believe that our judgment was off. If that boyfriend really was seeing someone else … then we feel the hurt and realize we made a mistake. If the best friend told our secret, we get angry and hurt and have to face the truth. If we don’t believe the lies we tell ourselves, then we have to do what we know is right. If we do that enough, what happens the next time we have to make a decision? We don’t trust ourself … because we’ve lied to ourself before. We lose faith in ourselves – in our ability to know (and do) what is right. And sometimes ‘right’ isn’t always obvious – particularly when there is a conflict between heart and mind. I want to believe the people that I care about – but sometimes my mind just knows better. If I can’t trust me – how can I truly believe in anyone else?
It is just as important to be honest with ourselves as it is to be honest with others. Being truthful to others will earn you respect, trust and a positive reputation. Being honest with yourself will give you inner peace, trust and faith that you can’t find outside of who you are.
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