I apologize for the delay in my ramblings last week. My grandfather (my dad’s dad) is in the hospital receiving ‘comfort care’. His lungs are not strong enough to support the much needed heart surgery, and his heart is not able to support his lungs. He is not expected to make it long.
Over the past week or so, many questions, thoughts and opinions have come up. Should we allow CPR if necessary or let him go? Are any organs going to be viable for donation – and if so, should we do so? Who gets what, who makes decisions, which funeral home, and on and on the list goes. These questions aren’t unique to my family – they are questions that almost always must be asked. Working in a nursing home for several years, I talked with families who were admitting their loved ones – knowing they would likely never come home. I had to ask some of these questions and the looks of despair, fear and uncertainty brought me to tears more than once. In many cases, they are asked at the same point we are asking them – when emotions are running high and the decision must be made now.
It’s tough to talk about – difficult to think about the fact that our bodies are going to die. We don’t like facing our own mortality. But believe me – as hard as these questions are to ask, it is much easier to ask them when you don’t need to. It’s easier to think logically rather than emotionally, and it’s easier to answer the questions with the knowledge that it’s not going to happen any time soon – rather than knowing that it is. Even one funeral director I spoke with told me that if you pre-plan for a funeral – even if it’s only weeks in advance, you will spend 10%-20% less – simply because decisions are not based on emotion or impulse.
Make sure your family knows your wishes – and make sure it’s in writing. Have a will. Even if you don’t have much to leave, even if you have only one child – it makes the red tape easier to navigate if it’s written in a will. If you have children – make sure you specify who gets custody should something happen to both parents. If you don’t, you may be rolling over in your grave at who may be raising your children!
Here are a few things that are important to have. You can get them all off of the internet very inexpensively. Although a notary public is required to witness signatures, it is not necessary for a lawyer to prepare them. And I’m a notary if you need one. I am by no means an expert, but please look into preparing these documents – regardless of your age or circumstances.
Durable Power of Attorney – Make sure it’s durable – if not, it expires at death. This does NOT give consent to make medical decisions. When you identify your power of attorney, make sure that you have a conversation about your wishes. Don’t assign someone and then not tell them what your wishes are.
Living Will – this indicates whether you wish to be kept on life support. You can also indicate organ donation in a living will.
Medical Power of Attorney – this allows your designee to make medical decision. A ‘regular’ power or attorney, or durable power of attorney do not account for medical decisions. Again, make sure the person that you designate knows your wishes. This will be the person that makes decisions about your medical care when you aren’t able to. Make sure they know what you want. Usually the Medical POA and the Durable POA are the same person – but it’s not necessary.
Last Will and Testament– There are templates online to prepare a simple will. If there are many children, split families, or a large amount of assets involved, you may want to involve an attorney for this one.
Over the past week or so, many questions, thoughts and opinions have come up. Should we allow CPR if necessary or let him go? Are any organs going to be viable for donation – and if so, should we do so? Who gets what, who makes decisions, which funeral home, and on and on the list goes. These questions aren’t unique to my family – they are questions that almost always must be asked. Working in a nursing home for several years, I talked with families who were admitting their loved ones – knowing they would likely never come home. I had to ask some of these questions and the looks of despair, fear and uncertainty brought me to tears more than once. In many cases, they are asked at the same point we are asking them – when emotions are running high and the decision must be made now.
It’s tough to talk about – difficult to think about the fact that our bodies are going to die. We don’t like facing our own mortality. But believe me – as hard as these questions are to ask, it is much easier to ask them when you don’t need to. It’s easier to think logically rather than emotionally, and it’s easier to answer the questions with the knowledge that it’s not going to happen any time soon – rather than knowing that it is. Even one funeral director I spoke with told me that if you pre-plan for a funeral – even if it’s only weeks in advance, you will spend 10%-20% less – simply because decisions are not based on emotion or impulse.
Make sure your family knows your wishes – and make sure it’s in writing. Have a will. Even if you don’t have much to leave, even if you have only one child – it makes the red tape easier to navigate if it’s written in a will. If you have children – make sure you specify who gets custody should something happen to both parents. If you don’t, you may be rolling over in your grave at who may be raising your children!
Here are a few things that are important to have. You can get them all off of the internet very inexpensively. Although a notary public is required to witness signatures, it is not necessary for a lawyer to prepare them. And I’m a notary if you need one. I am by no means an expert, but please look into preparing these documents – regardless of your age or circumstances.
Durable Power of Attorney – Make sure it’s durable – if not, it expires at death. This does NOT give consent to make medical decisions. When you identify your power of attorney, make sure that you have a conversation about your wishes. Don’t assign someone and then not tell them what your wishes are.
Living Will – this indicates whether you wish to be kept on life support. You can also indicate organ donation in a living will.
Medical Power of Attorney – this allows your designee to make medical decision. A ‘regular’ power or attorney, or durable power of attorney do not account for medical decisions. Again, make sure the person that you designate knows your wishes. This will be the person that makes decisions about your medical care when you aren’t able to. Make sure they know what you want. Usually the Medical POA and the Durable POA are the same person – but it’s not necessary.
Last Will and Testament– There are templates online to prepare a simple will. If there are many children, split families, or a large amount of assets involved, you may want to involve an attorney for this one.
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